I don't feel like writing a lot more than i already have, so heres my 2-page email to justin in thailand.

G'day

So your not in australia but close enough that I can say g'day and get away with it. I'm running under the assumption that you've found yourself an internet cafe and have barricaded yourself in there, where you plan to spend the next 12 days surviving on crumbs [as they say] "hoovered off the floor for nourishment" as you being your revolution from your new stronghold.

Or maybe your off backpacking and surviving in the wild Thai wilderness. Y'know, whichever.

Your computer misses you. I was over paying it a visit to make sure it was doing alright, and it was just distraught. I had to spend an hour and a half comforting it and reassuring it that you would be coming back.

Right now I'm back in my basement watching Batman Forever, and wondering how it is humanly possible to cram so much revolting content into one movie. If the dialogue gets any stupider [not to mention the gaping plot holes] I may have to hang myself with my trackball cord. Or I could just watch something else, but my options are how you say, limited.

Got a pretty interusting DVD though [Miyuki-chan In Wonderland], which can only be described as 30 minutes of the most indescribeable shite I've ever seen. It's basically the plot of alice in wonderland and through the looking glass, except theres not really a "plot", and all the characters are scantily clad women. The weird thing is, it's nothing. it's not hentai, it's not funny, it's not there for art, music, psychological, dramatic, or any other purpose that i can figure out. it's not based on a comic, meant for children, meant for adults, it simply SHOULD NOT EXIST. but it does. and it cost me $10 and more brain cells than i can afford.

yeah. so thats pretty much whats going on, aka the norm. and as Batman gets even MORE moronically stupid, I think I need to go and ingest some more sugar. And if tommy lee jones doesn't stop staring at that other guy RIGHT NOW and just snog him already I'm gonna be pissed becuase goddamn val kilmer is not particularly attractive, and I'd much rather see some slash. and jim carrey needs to die because he's just fucking annoying. And at this point i'm talking at the screen, telling the magical flying circus people to put some pants on, because it's a fact that some guys can wear tights and some can't and THEY FUCKING CANT especially the one who's pushing 50. [insert screaming here] maybe if they didn't edit out the [very minimal to begin with] gore, and made some better threats and GET POOR VAL A BETTER WARDROBE [insane ranting] Ok. Why does Bruce Wayne have to take Robin in because he doesn't have any family? HE'S FROM THE FUCKING CIRCUS! I mean, talk about a clan! Nobody would take him? PULL THE OTHER ONE, THIS ONES GETTIN' TIRED!! And now we have the heartfelt "pain talk" on the crisp autumn lawn. And, my contact is falling out. [runs upstairs]

[runs back]

Ok, I've decided. Jellybeans are the Great Sparkley Spirit's gift to man. I mean, if there was no such thing jellybeans, stuff woud be bad. You and I would be very unhappy muchachos indeed. Well actually I could do without black jellybeans because thats black licorice and i fucking hate black licorice because it's gross, but if the world suddenly becamse a world void of every other kind of jellybean, I think I would be forced to -- oh, NO, it's dramatic Blue-Tinted-Batman-Flashback Time!! OH THE A-GO-NYYYYYY!!! Cheap wind effects, smoke, and everything else, right in 11-year-old Bruce Wayne's living room! Oh, no, Bruce realizes how his past seems like what happened to Robin's parents. Jolly good then, you have something in common. Now go fuck eachother so I can maybe refocus my eyes or at least do SOMETHING to keep them from glazing over.

I especially love how the helicopters in Gotham so convieniently come with STEERING WHEELS so they can be locked into place >_< [chants mantra] the matrix is coming, the matrix is coming [yeah, thats my new mantra hahahahah. second only to "justin IS coming back" [more laughing]] christ, the only mildly amusing part of this movie is jim carrey, and he isn't that great. the garish costumes are a very very mild plus.

OH AND BEFORE I FORGET

I take back what I said about getting deported. I figure -- ohh, yummy green jellybean -- that telling you not to get deported is unfair, and besides, if you get deported you'll just come back here, which is fine. Oh, and everyone should get arrested at least once in their lives, so cut loose.

But not getting shot still stands!!

AND IF THE MICE IN MY @#(*&-ING WALLS DON'T STOP MAKING THAT NOISE, SO HELP ME GOD I'LL oooh lemony yellow jellybean....oh no, now Robin tries to beat up Batman for not saving his parents. Come on, you prick, you have the kid in your arms, lets make this movie go in a different direction. It'd be great if you could change the movie as you watchg it according to whim. I'd like that.

Geessh, i should stop writing emails while watching tv. These things get way too long.

cya

so once again we play the shuu-is-an-idiot game. I stopped the email because the lapu-topu ran out of batteries but now the movie is over and I'm upstairs and you know, if two-face wasn't so snargly, he and joker would be pretty good for a nice slash because every five seconds they were falling all over eachother or jim carrey would say "spank me!" and my michi-influenced slash-picking-up-dar would go off and I'd sproink off into ideals of what i'd REALLY like to see happening and oh, michi, i did go and draw off that Kaoru/Die thing, I'm oh-so-shockued that it actually came out looking like it was two humans instead of a human and a chair or a human and a giant turnip which is always cool.

for everyone else...[waves hands and screams] GAY SEX! RUN AWAY! WHOOOOO!! SHIELD YOUR EYES, YE MAGGOTS OF THE UNDERWORLD!! HUMANOID ALIEN BEINGS FOR THE ETHICAL TREATMENT OF AUBERGINES!!

hoot

-shuu

- -

This is the way we skip and skip, lalala, lalala -

THE JUSTICE HOLE; STANDBY FOR SUPER CREDITS -

mumble mice of the fourth planet -

I am the person pouring my beer into your bunny slippers -