1] First off, it gets colder than a well-diggers ass around here. We're talking fusking freezing here

2] Critters, as Old Farts call them, decide that due to the aforementioned cold, they will now migrate to a warmer climate, i.e. inside somone's house. I was reminded of this fact when i elected to take a nice hot shower after school because of the cold -- which sucked, because thats how cold is.

And I went and forgot about the Camel Crickets.

Camel Crickets, for those of you who are fortunate enough to not have a clue as to what they are, are these giant-ass revolting things that swim up your drain pipe and fester in the shower. Not like the little bitty crickets that go chirp chirp on a warm summers eve -- no, these bastards go CHIRP, but usually right before you mash the holy hell out of them with a shoe.

Think something along the size of a really big grasshopper, only it's this shiny throwup-colored thing, it's all squashy and weird and has giant feeler-thingies and evil beady black eyes and legs from here to Kentucky. What they like to do is lurk in the shower curtain or on the top of the blastic...basin, i guess you would call it -- that is the shower itself...you know, that plastic crap that makes the walls/floor of the shower but it usually doesn't go up to the cieling and theres a little 1/2 inch ledge about 7 feet off the ground where it turns back into wall....dammit, what the hell is that thing called?

Anyways, they like to fester in these places, and then LEAP down like Mimi's flying preying mantis, only not cute like that. And there is NOTHING i hate more on gods green earth than a camel cricket. I HATE THEM more than any other bug i can think of. And half the time they don't even jump on me, just hang around with their feelers bobbing around and being all shiny and gross and then I notice them out of the corner of my eye and FREAK OUT and pitch a giant flailing screaming fit where I wave my arms around, throw things in the direction of the cricket, grab a towel and get the holy hell out of there.

Which totally ruins my shower, by the way. It's not out of the ordinary to see me sprint to my room, suds in my hair, wrapped in a towel [as the hanging robes may be harboring more crickets -- i had one in the sleeve once -- after i put it on, of course] and gibbering incomprehensibly.

The thing I don't get is why none of these damn Fauna learn that going into our house isn't the greatest idea ever concieved. I mean, most things that come into our house are shot on site, and the ones that aren't are eaten by my cat. You'd think they'd learned.

I just got the coolest thing in the universe. Wanna know what it is? Do ya? Huh? Do Ya?

http://www.happyscrappy.com/goldfish.mp3

Words cannot describe the coolness of a song about the ingredients of goldfish crackers. Jason is now officially my hero, and anyone who says he isn't is in for an ass kicking. Or I'll just have Krieglmeier come down and pull out her goddamn shiny pocketknife like she did to me and Rob today. Apparently, we're not allowed to win at Monopoly because it was her sworn duty to beat John [G] but instead we all wound up screaming obscenities at eachother [except for Rob who's too nice for that shit except for of course calling John and asshole] and even so in the end John wound up cleaning up just like yesterday, Kriegs got all pissy and threatened us with her uuber evil knife ghetto smackdown or whatever, the bell rang, and we all left history class.

Yatta for that, except Ben was all bummed out so I had to be his support quite literally and woulnd't you know it, my goddamn charge comes up the stairs just as I'm being quasi-glomped by an unhappy ben. Yes, I have a charge. I think thats what you call 'em. It's like, if you're a governess, and theres a sprog you are a governess for, what do you call the sprog? your charge? Client? Who knows. Meh.

So in Church History, Cooper walks over to Corey and says in his very best "I am going to teach you something important" says "Now everyone, pay attention." and shoves Corey out of the chair and on the floor. From across the room comes the indignant shout "HEY!! You didn't slap him first!!" and Cooper, who's back in the front of the room, stops and goes "I DIDN'?" like oh no how could i have forgotten that!! so he goes back over and bops him.

How i love that class.

Later he was going to tell us something about the Eskimos [to illustrate a point about language -- the Eskimos have about 200 different words for "snow", which tied in with Latin having words to describe different kinds of love -- used in an article about Sin, Grace [gods love] etc] and we were all laughing before he could even tell the story so he stomps over to the door and goes "YOU GUYS DON'T LOVE ME!!" so we all stopped and he goes out in the hall and goes "I'm Leaving!!...tell me to come back..."

dead silence, until I go "COME BAAAAAAACK!" and of course they all started screaming at me so i had to go back "SHUT UP!! I WANNA HEAR ABOUT THE ESKIMOS!!!" and then he told us a story about Eskimos, and then one about when he was in the navy.

I'm offsies to work on my page, which i promised would be back up tomorrow with a new layout and a new NNDeG chapter and a michi page etc. etc.

"Feels like the time I was initiated into the Silly Buggers' Society at Cambridge. I misheard the instructions and pushed an entire aubergine into my earhole..." -- George

if you afraid of the dark, why would you turn on the lights? then you know what was fallowing you.... -- Justin

-shuu

- -

This is the way we skip and skip, lalala, lalala -

THE JUSTICE HOLE; STANDBY FOR SUPER CREDITS -

mumble mice of the fourth planet -

I am the person pouring my beer into your bunny slippers -